Lately I've been feeling unmotivated, and not creative at all. Without time set aside for my creative endeavors, I have had a bit of extra time to read about creativity. All signs point to "just suck it up and get to work". In retrospect it makes a lot of sense that just getting a set routine and forcing myself to spend hours doing tasks (sketching, writing, painting, sculpting-- whatever) makes sense... but in the present, it scares the crap out of me.
Like many people, I hate to make things I am not proud of or completely happy with. When I don't feel inspired by something, when I don't feel like the finished product is something that I love, I just feel like I am polluting. If I am not proud of it, no one will ever see it. If people do see it, I just feel... I feel wrong. I don't like feeling disappointed in my own work. It makes me want to fix it-- make it better. And sure I'll take what I've learned and put that into the next piece, but I am overall afraid of the negative energy.
I think part of this has to do with my adoption of technology. I mean, I grew up with a computer. If I wrote something I didn't like, I deleted it. It was never seen again. Saving the failures seems good when looking at it from the future, but in the present, it's hard to say why I'd want to do it.
Making these days is kind of hard in itself. I feel like a computer can do everything I can do better, faster, and more accurately-- but is there still value in the hand made? The items that are touched, even poured over by the artist/maker? Do I need to change things up and mass produce? Or will the hand made items with fewer buyers and lovers be able to sustain me?
|Started sketching, and a random new style happened...|
Being consistent, is supposed to be the key. Knowing that I'll work on something toward my goal, every day is important. Knowing what I have layed out for myself on each particular day matters. Since I am running multiple projects (making things, photos, blogging, researching, etc) I will need to designate time to each task. Ideally the creative tasks will get most of my time, but I can't let the rest fall by the wayside.
So I guess it's time to push myself to work, uninterrupted. With the ton of junk I create, I'll probably get something worthwhile out of it too....